5 min read
How Does Couple's Counseling Work?
Author
Katie Moran
LCSW
Couples counseling is like individual therapy in that it helps people learn new coping skills. But couples counseling focuses on developing coping skills within a relationship, such as communication, emotional connection, and trust. It also ensures that both partners feel heard. Couples counseling is effective in its goals, with about 70% of couples attending couples therapy saying that it’s had a positive impact on their lives.
Many people feel uncertain about couples counseling, worrying that they’ll be blamed for their relationship problems or feeling uncomfortable about being so vulnerable. But a counselor is there to be a neutral party and can help you share things at a pace that feels comfortable to you.
Not knowing what to expect can also raise anxiety levels for people. So, in this article, we’ll explain more about couples counseling and how it works so that you have a better understanding of what the process looks like.
What is Couples Counseling?
Couples counseling helps people in romantic relationships. It focuses on one issue, like conflicts, communication problems, or stress, and is a short-term time commitment. Although couples counseling and couples therapy are often used interchangeably, there are some differences. Couples therapy lasts longer and aims to resolve deep-rooted patterns. It’s important to note that couples don’t need to be married to participate in couples counseling; anyone in a romantic relationship can choose to attend couples counseling.
Couples counseling is provided by licensed therapists. They usually have credentials like Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT) or Licensed Clinical Social Worker (LCSW). Counselors work to create a neutral, safe space for couples to discuss issues of importance to them. A couples counselor also works as a moderator, ensuring that each person gets to share their feelings. Many therapists are trained in multiple evidence-based modalities and use strategies from each one together. Evidence-based modalities for couples counseling include:
- Emotionally focused therapy (EFT): Focuses on identifying negative emotional patterns, changing them, and building a strong bond.
- Cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT): Helps with identifying negative thinking and behavior patterns, changing them, and introducing useful coping skills, such as conflict resolution and active listening.
- The Gottman Method: Identifying harmful patterns referred to as The Four Horsemen, which are criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling. It also teaches positive skills, including conflict management and building intimacy.
How Does Couples Counseling Work?
When you first go to couples counseling, you’ll complete an intake. This helps your counselor understand you and your goals for counseling. Sharing your history might feel vulnerable, but honesty helps your counselor understand your relationship. Plus, everything remains confidential. You’re also able to decline any questions that you don’t feel ready to answer. During intake, your therapist will ask questions about your relationship, including how you met. They’ll also ask personal questions to understand each person in the relationship better. For example, they might ask about your family background and your beliefs or viewpoints.
Early sessions usually aim to understand the relationship better. They set ground rules for safe communication and work to stabilize current conflicts. Later sessions focus on rebuilding trust. They also help practice skills, deepen emotional connections, and set long-term relationship goals.
What to Expect from Couples Counseling
Couples counseling sessions usually last 45-60 minutes, and most couples need about 12 sessions. The counselor will guide the conversation, ensuring that each person has time to share their perspective and preventing any confrontation. They can also help with understanding the reasons behind certain conflicts or patterns. Because couples counseling encourages honesty and vulnerability, it can sometimes bring up difficult emotions. But your counselor can help you regulate these emotions and translate what you’re feeling into clear communication.
A major focus of couples counseling is developing communication skills. Your therapist will introduce you to effective communication methods, such as using “I… statements and the Gottman “soft start-up,” a method for beginning difficult communication. They’ll also provide homework, so that you and your partner can practice the skills you’ve learned in therapy in your daily lives. This might include active listening, conflict resolution planning, and journaling to increase your emotional awareness. Couples counselors might also suggest bonding activities to improve physical and emotional intimacy.
Goals for Couples Counseling
Many couples have goals in mind when they decide to attend couples counseling, but their counselor can help them refine their goals so that they are relevant and achievable. While goals are unique to each couple, common goals for couples counseling include:
- Improving communication
- Strengthening emotional connections
- Developing conflict resolution skills
- Rebuilding trust
- Clarifying shared values and future directions
- Building intimacy and connection
- Relating better to your partner and understanding their needs
- Navigating major life changes, such as becoming parents or moving
Benefits of Couples Counseling
Couples counseling can strengthen relationships. It also helps individuals improve communication skills and build emotional awareness. Common benefits of couples counseling include:
- Reduced conflict
- Improved communication
- Healthier attachment patterns
- Shared problem-solving
- Stronger partner foundation
- Reduced stress
- Better awareness of one’s needs and emotions
Does Couples Counseling Work?
Couples counseling has been shown to be effective in improving relationship satisfaction, with couples noting improvements in communication, emotional intimacy, and partner behaviors. Certain methods of couples counseling have been more studied than others. For example, EFT has been shown to improve marriage satisfaction both during and after treatment.
Some factors can help make couples counseling more effective. Couples find counseling most effective when they start it early. However, Dr. Gottman, founder of the Gottman Institute, says that it takes six years, on average, for couples to seek support. During this time, conflict and resentment can build up, making couples therapy more difficult. Commitment level, motivation, and personal stress can all affect how well couples counseling works. Individuals who are open to trying new tools, committed to repairing the relationship, and motivated to complete homework see the most success.
Couples counseling is also more successful when there’s a good fit between the counselor and the couple. It’s important to find someone that both you and your partner feel comfortable with. Choosing someone who has specialized training in couples therapy and experience working with couples who have experienced similar issues is important. Inclusivity is also important; you may wish to look for a counselor experienced in working with couples who have diverse backgrounds or who identify as LGBTQ+.
Find a couple's counselor who understands your relationship
Why Go to Couples Counseling?
Some couples start counseling when they see changes in their relationship. This can include trouble communicating or not spending as much time together. Others attend therapy as a result of a crisis, such as infidelity or escalating conflict. Both are valid reasons for starting couples counseling, as is any reason for wanting to improve one’s relationship.
Sometimes, people feel hesitant about starting couples counseling. They might feel as though they should be able to manage conflicts on their own or that it’s a sign that their relationship is failing if they need counseling. But each partner in a relationship has their own unique background and triggers. A counselor can help bridge this gap, making counseling an empowering and positive decision for the health of a relationship.
Affordable Couples Counseling Options
Many people worry about the cost of attending therapy. Couples counseling can be expensive, with sessions costing $150-$400 without insurance. Choosing online therapy options can be more affordable because the counselor doesn’t have as many overhead costs. Some counselors may also offer sliding scale fees, which can make counseling more accessible.
At Octave, the average out-of-pocket cost for couples therapy is $32 with insurance. However, insurance doesn’t always cover couples counseling because it’s not always medically necessary. Couples counseling may be considered medically necessary when one partner has a mental health diagnosis and attending couples counseling is part of their treatment plan. Employee Assistance Programs (EAPs) and FSA/HSA accounts may also help pay for the cost of couples counseling.
We know that this can be overwhelming. So, when you sign up with Octave, we’ll ask for your insurance details. Then, we’ll contact your insurance company to get information about your coverage. From here, we’ll provide you with transparent pricing so there are no surprises and you’re able to better budget for couples counseling.
Explore pricing and insurance options
The average cost of couples therapist is $32 with insurance
How Online Couples Counseling Works at Octave
Online couples counseling at Octave lets you and your partner meet with a counselor using a secure videoconferencing platform. Many people find this more convenient and flexible than in-person therapy, making it easy to incorporate into their busy lives. It also allows couples who are long-distance or have one partner who travels frequently to participate in couples counseling. However, it’s important to note that both partners but be in the state where their therapist is licensed at the time of sessions. Some people also feel more comfortable with online counseling, as they’re able to remain in their own homes.
When you start couples counseling at Octave, you can browse our list of skilled, licensed therapists. This helps you find the right match. Or, you can connect with someone from our Care Navigation Team who will match you with a therapist based on your needs and preferences.
When Couples Counseling May Not Be Enough
While couples counseling is effective, it's not effective in all situations. Sometimes, one partner may need individual therapy. This can help resolve past trauma or manage mental health issues like depression and anxiety. Cases with high levels of conflict or safety concerns, such as domestic violence or untreated substance abuse issues, may also not be suitable for couples counseling.
Start Couples Counseling with Octave
If you’re still thinking about couples counseling, there’s a good chance it’s a good fit for you and your partner. Remember that couples who start counseling sooner see better results, and that couples counseling is a safe space for you and your partner to work on your communication, conflict resolution skills, and connection. Get matched with a couples therapist today.
